Since I have two other blogs to separate the complaining and thoughts and regular day to day activities in this one blog, I'm going to change this to a fan blog!
...Yeah. I like Hetalia, okay? But there'll probably be some Vocaloid stuff too, along with comics from DeviantArt. And...maybe...some of my art. Be looking forward to it!
WhaHoo,
- AMA
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Missile--(!)---laneous.
I FAIL AT FORMATTING THESE STUPID THINGS (i.e....the blog)...blimey.
(Shush, I know I'm American)
Today's my aunt's birthday! I was planning to draw something for her, but I got off-track drawing one of my characters; Aaki. Which turned out well, actually, but still.
Gah. (AAKI~)
Thank goodness tomorrow's the last day of my prep class. Let's see; I have about three to four hours left to draw it so if I start now(which I haven't yet), I could finish by eight or nine...
...But then again, what should I draw? What do women like? I'm not really similar to her, so I don't rightfully know what the heck she would like. Not to mention that I'm sick and sniffling, which has very little to do with this problem, but also means I'll be dripping snot all over my sketchbook.
Urgh.
Abrupt End To This Nasty Business(If only in real life--!),
-Ama
(Shush, I know I'm American)
Today's my aunt's birthday! I was planning to draw something for her, but I got off-track drawing one of my characters; Aaki. Which turned out well, actually, but still.
Gah. (AAKI~)
Thank goodness tomorrow's the last day of my prep class. Let's see; I have about three to four hours left to draw it so if I start now(which I haven't yet), I could finish by eight or nine...
...But then again, what should I draw? What do women like? I'm not really similar to her, so I don't rightfully know what the heck she would like. Not to mention that I'm sick and sniffling, which has very little to do with this problem, but also means I'll be dripping snot all over my sketchbook.
Urgh.
Abrupt End To This Nasty Business(If only in real life--!),
-Ama
Monday, July 12, 2010
Listening
I want someone to listen to me. My friends listen to me, but I'm afraid of telling them a few of the things I really want to say. My family...maybe I could tell them. But I don't want to say anything that matters to me, either, because whenever I try to, they always misinterpret and turn things into their problem, not mine. They're entitled to their opinion, I know; but somehow, it always turns out to be about them and not me and my voice just sort of fades into the background when they tell me everything will get better.
And maybe it will get better. I'm still quiet, though, and it bothers me that I can't make myself heard.
I'm horribly frightened of judgement, even though I keep telling myself I don't care a speck about what others think. I think I could overcome it, but then again, I don't. It's incredibly frustrating when you think you have the potential power to wield, but haven't got the strength to use it. I'm not strong. Dark and moody, listening to myself think, and worrying about how I am as a person in my standing in the world--that's who I think I am.
Maybe that is why I'm always so surprised when I express what I think matters to me; no one ever expects it when I speak aloud. There's always this return in surprise, like they never figured out I am more than my image. Honestly, it makes me mad. At them. At me. Both. Them for not listening to me, and me for not listening to what I want to blurt out in the middle of a boring conversation about everything and absolutely nothing.
Sheesh.
Even though almost every one of my posts in this blog so far have been either incredibly dramatic, brooding, or reaching for cheer in its increasingly serious self, it's been incredibly satisfying venting here. Although, it also makes me want to go find my life (hint hint: I'm still searching for it, readers). At least if I can't directly tell people what's gotten me so silent and tired all the time, I can write it down, right?
(Still searching for it. Man.)
Maybe this is why people get depressed all the time, keeping their secrets all wound up stiff inside. There's no one willing to stick around and listen. Even I, the whiny hypocrite complaining about its speech problems and hating itself for its deficiency, won't say anything unless someone else speaks up first. Not lonely my arse; it's like being stuck inside a white room without knowing anything about what's going on outside, stuck as you are without knowing a single other thing besides your quiet, eery, stupidly numb white walls.
At least real-life walls have shadows; black is a color you can find meaning to. I can find mysteries, gloom, and meaningful things in shadows. There's more in that void of a dark color than just a blank white inside your head, filled to the brim with words you've never said, and maybe never will.
I wish I could speak. I know I could, and I know they can do the same to me. I've listened; they've got their own share of burdens and speculations they want to talk about. Not everyday problems that have gotten them down; what really bothers them, and what they think. When they want to, and hopefully when I want to, too.
And here comes this whole wishing business again. Anyone who is reading this and emphathizes (not sympathizes, 'cause that just means you did not relate to anything I just wrote), try telling someone what you want to say if it's needling you so badly. It feels wrong to say it, seeing as I'm struggling to do it myself, but at least there'll be someone else other than me who could accomplish what i can't do...yet. I'm still going. I'll try, geezes, I'll try.
Halt! This Is Probably The Bottom Of This Whole Musing Process,
- Ama
And maybe it will get better. I'm still quiet, though, and it bothers me that I can't make myself heard.
I'm horribly frightened of judgement, even though I keep telling myself I don't care a speck about what others think. I think I could overcome it, but then again, I don't. It's incredibly frustrating when you think you have the potential power to wield, but haven't got the strength to use it. I'm not strong. Dark and moody, listening to myself think, and worrying about how I am as a person in my standing in the world--that's who I think I am.
Maybe that is why I'm always so surprised when I express what I think matters to me; no one ever expects it when I speak aloud. There's always this return in surprise, like they never figured out I am more than my image. Honestly, it makes me mad. At them. At me. Both. Them for not listening to me, and me for not listening to what I want to blurt out in the middle of a boring conversation about everything and absolutely nothing.
Sheesh.
Even though almost every one of my posts in this blog so far have been either incredibly dramatic, brooding, or reaching for cheer in its increasingly serious self, it's been incredibly satisfying venting here. Although, it also makes me want to go find my life (hint hint: I'm still searching for it, readers). At least if I can't directly tell people what's gotten me so silent and tired all the time, I can write it down, right?
(Still searching for it. Man.)
Maybe this is why people get depressed all the time, keeping their secrets all wound up stiff inside. There's no one willing to stick around and listen. Even I, the whiny hypocrite complaining about its speech problems and hating itself for its deficiency, won't say anything unless someone else speaks up first. Not lonely my arse; it's like being stuck inside a white room without knowing anything about what's going on outside, stuck as you are without knowing a single other thing besides your quiet, eery, stupidly numb white walls.
At least real-life walls have shadows; black is a color you can find meaning to. I can find mysteries, gloom, and meaningful things in shadows. There's more in that void of a dark color than just a blank white inside your head, filled to the brim with words you've never said, and maybe never will.
I wish I could speak. I know I could, and I know they can do the same to me. I've listened; they've got their own share of burdens and speculations they want to talk about. Not everyday problems that have gotten them down; what really bothers them, and what they think. When they want to, and hopefully when I want to, too.
And here comes this whole wishing business again. Anyone who is reading this and emphathizes (not sympathizes, 'cause that just means you did not relate to anything I just wrote), try telling someone what you want to say if it's needling you so badly. It feels wrong to say it, seeing as I'm struggling to do it myself, but at least there'll be someone else other than me who could accomplish what i can't do...yet. I'm still going. I'll try, geezes, I'll try.
Halt! This Is Probably The Bottom Of This Whole Musing Process,
- Ama
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Anime Expo!
Yeah, I went there. That one. You Californians should understand.
The least I can say about it was "It was fun." The most...
It was freakishly awesome, to the point of spontaneous combustion.
There were cosplayers everywhere! Now, I'm not a big fan of fake wigs and all that sort, but you've got to admit it was pretty cool to see so many people dressed up as your favorite characters. My friend (who just happens to have been infected by my peer pressure and also has a blog on this site), whose dad was so incredibly generous and cool enough to buy me a ticket again this year, and I spent about ten hours walking around, watching the second Death Note movie, shopping for merchandise, attending the panels....
Better to say, we spent a good ten hours having the time of our lives.
So this is how we went about the whole thing:
First, we sat down for a while for a Copic markers and Steampunk tutorial orientation, which was actually kind of dull...personally, I think it had too many unnecessary details and personal discussions. I'll admit the two panels were somewhat interesting, though; as an artist, you can find a lot of the techniques and information useful and great to consider (for you nonartists out there, things like good quality paper and photocopying linearts on a printer).
The steampunk was...uh, just take science and a Victorianesque setting and mash them together. You'll make one butt-kicking world. Enough said.
Ah well, afterwards; we burned money.
My friend (I'll just call her kuya here) bought a green and orange Hetalia bowl, with Germany, Italy, and Japan on it; a tiny Kaito figurine; two other Vocaloid figurines for her youngest siblings; a fan for her brother; a grinning America figurine; a scowling Southern Italy phone charm; brightly colored Vocaloid stickers; new stockings to replace her old ones--which, to her dismay, kept on drooping down while we were walking...
And a gigantic wooden sword for her brother. Sheesh, kuya.
I was disheartened at the prices...but I bought a few things myself.
I got a soft, awesome-looking America pillow; three (smaller!) wooden swords, one for each of my three cousins (thankfully with their money, not mine); a "Seme Wanted" America shirt (Shut up. It was cool); a [temporarily censored because I don't want my other friend to know what I got for her yet]; and an Iceland notebook with the country's national emblem on the back.
Speak of the obvious: I was in high heaven. (Did you notice that all of the stuff I bought for myself were Hetalia related...?)
Ah, but, the end was the best. So, of course, it had to end with Hetalia.
We waited in line for a while for the Hetalia panel after we were finished shopping (the Katsuyuki autographing didn't quite work out...), then realized there was yet another line to the panel. We rushed to that line, and waited...
There were so many people; much more than any of the panels we'd been to before: proof of Hetalia's excitingly rising popularity. Imagine two, three lines, all just for that one Hetalia panel; kuya and I were dreading that we wouldn't get into the panel room at all.
We got in...but some others didn't. (I felt kind of bad for them, and guilty for bring glad I got in)
Everyone who did get in roared and awwed and laughed at the parts they recognized on the screen the directors of the panel were showing. Some of them (the Hetalia cosplayers) even waved their flags around, to others' delight. Most of the panel was about history(Hetalia, countries...history in a hilarious/awesome form), and how the seemingly meaningless little things the nations did in Hetalia meant a lot to the anime/manga/comic, but the fans loved it. Even the people who weren't quite sure about what Hetalia was all about laughed, and even tried to sing along when the ending song played. Which sort of failed, but it's the thought that counts.
It was epic. It's amazing how much fun you have when you're with people (a lot of people!) who enjoy the same things you do, or at least try. I think some people disapprove of the love we have for what we like, but it's not so hard to remind them that they have some things they like that way, too.
Or, at least, to some degree. It was fun. End of story.
Moving on...
You know what was the best of all?
After the Hetalia panel, when the fans flooded out of the room, the lobby exploded.
A whole crowd of fans erupted in a cheer in the middle of the lobby room, waving their assortment of flags in the air, laughing, and screaming for all their worth.
They were all Hetalia fans. So yeah, I had to start laughing with them.
And I'll wrap up my day with Mr. K and kuya at the 2010 Anime Expo on that note. Thanks kuya, for taking me with you; and thanks Mr. K, for being so cool even when I noticed you looked weary during a few of the events (which I feel guilty about...).
And So Ties The Lengthy Conclusion,
-Ama
The least I can say about it was "It was fun." The most...
It was freakishly awesome, to the point of spontaneous combustion.
There were cosplayers everywhere! Now, I'm not a big fan of fake wigs and all that sort, but you've got to admit it was pretty cool to see so many people dressed up as your favorite characters. My friend (who just happens to have been infected by my peer pressure and also has a blog on this site), whose dad was so incredibly generous and cool enough to buy me a ticket again this year, and I spent about ten hours walking around, watching the second Death Note movie, shopping for merchandise, attending the panels....
Better to say, we spent a good ten hours having the time of our lives.
So this is how we went about the whole thing:
First, we sat down for a while for a Copic markers and Steampunk tutorial orientation, which was actually kind of dull...personally, I think it had too many unnecessary details and personal discussions. I'll admit the two panels were somewhat interesting, though; as an artist, you can find a lot of the techniques and information useful and great to consider (for you nonartists out there, things like good quality paper and photocopying linearts on a printer).
The steampunk was...uh, just take science and a Victorianesque setting and mash them together. You'll make one butt-kicking world. Enough said.
Ah well, afterwards; we burned money.
My friend (I'll just call her kuya here) bought a green and orange Hetalia bowl, with Germany, Italy, and Japan on it; a tiny Kaito figurine; two other Vocaloid figurines for her youngest siblings; a fan for her brother; a grinning America figurine; a scowling Southern Italy phone charm; brightly colored Vocaloid stickers; new stockings to replace her old ones--which, to her dismay, kept on drooping down while we were walking...
And a gigantic wooden sword for her brother. Sheesh, kuya.
I was disheartened at the prices...but I bought a few things myself.
I got a soft, awesome-looking America pillow; three (smaller!) wooden swords, one for each of my three cousins (thankfully with their money, not mine); a "Seme Wanted" America shirt (Shut up. It was cool); a [temporarily censored because I don't want my other friend to know what I got for her yet]; and an Iceland notebook with the country's national emblem on the back.
Speak of the obvious: I was in high heaven. (Did you notice that all of the stuff I bought for myself were Hetalia related...?)
Ah, but, the end was the best. So, of course, it had to end with Hetalia.
We waited in line for a while for the Hetalia panel after we were finished shopping (the Katsuyuki autographing didn't quite work out...), then realized there was yet another line to the panel. We rushed to that line, and waited...
There were so many people; much more than any of the panels we'd been to before: proof of Hetalia's excitingly rising popularity. Imagine two, three lines, all just for that one Hetalia panel; kuya and I were dreading that we wouldn't get into the panel room at all.
We got in...but some others didn't. (I felt kind of bad for them, and guilty for bring glad I got in)
Everyone who did get in roared and awwed and laughed at the parts they recognized on the screen the directors of the panel were showing. Some of them (the Hetalia cosplayers) even waved their flags around, to others' delight. Most of the panel was about history(Hetalia, countries...history in a hilarious/awesome form), and how the seemingly meaningless little things the nations did in Hetalia meant a lot to the anime/manga/comic, but the fans loved it. Even the people who weren't quite sure about what Hetalia was all about laughed, and even tried to sing along when the ending song played. Which sort of failed, but it's the thought that counts.
It was epic. It's amazing how much fun you have when you're with people (a lot of people!) who enjoy the same things you do, or at least try. I think some people disapprove of the love we have for what we like, but it's not so hard to remind them that they have some things they like that way, too.
Or, at least, to some degree. It was fun. End of story.
Moving on...
You know what was the best of all?
After the Hetalia panel, when the fans flooded out of the room, the lobby exploded.
A whole crowd of fans erupted in a cheer in the middle of the lobby room, waving their assortment of flags in the air, laughing, and screaming for all their worth.
They were all Hetalia fans. So yeah, I had to start laughing with them.
And I'll wrap up my day with Mr. K and kuya at the 2010 Anime Expo on that note. Thanks kuya, for taking me with you; and thanks Mr. K, for being so cool even when I noticed you looked weary during a few of the events (which I feel guilty about...).
And So Ties The Lengthy Conclusion,
-Ama
Friday, June 18, 2010
So Much For Ranting
Ranting is good and all, but it's no fun when you're so depressed your face meets your toes. Or at least your neck.
So, let's see.
WELL, for one thing: Hi kuya (since they are probably reading this)!
The second thing...
Heck, I don't know what to say.
I like Hetalia? Yeah, sure, let's start with that. Ever thought about what a nation would look like if they were a person? A lot of people probably have, at some point; I mean, look at Lady Liberty, or Mother England---(did you notice none of the countries are male? The irony)
Anyways.
Axis Powers Hetalia is a comic/manga(Japanese comics)/anime(Japanese animation) about nations personified. The central storyline revolves around World War II, with the main character being the silly and rather air-headed personification of Northern Italy. It's all light-hearted humor, despite the few battle scenes here and there; none of the nations' personalities or hetare-ness (foolishness, stupidity, silliness, etc, in Japanese; hence, Hetare and Italia, silly Italy, Hetalia) are intentionally harmful or seriously intended against the actual nations.
Tch, I rambled. Basically, Hetalia is kind of crude in some parts(just general swearing and...slight lewdness...agh) and the art isn't too great at first...but there are amazingly portrayed relations between all the nations, exciting battle scenes, and characters you can't help but like for their unique personalities.
Plus, the art improves to the point of breathtaking awesomeness. I'm mainly an anime-style artist, so I could say I was duly awe-struck and overjoyed, oho.
Ah, anime. I'm sure all of us have watched at least one form of it in our lifetimes (Spirited Away, Pokemon, Digimon, Yugi-Oh, Kiki's Delivery Service, Sailor Moon, Naruto, Bleach...). I'm not an otaku - overly obssessed with anime/manga - but I've got to admit I love it.
US Americans. We love Japanese products, don't we?
Well, I guess that's enough for one post. Ama out.
The Last Few Words of This Post Look Like A Lemony Snicket Imitation
-Ama
P.S. (I guess those words weren't the last after all) I am verbally challenged. I can't think of anything sensible to say, even in my journals.
Sheesh.
So, let's see.
WELL, for one thing: Hi kuya (since they are probably reading this)!
The second thing...
Heck, I don't know what to say.
I like Hetalia? Yeah, sure, let's start with that. Ever thought about what a nation would look like if they were a person? A lot of people probably have, at some point; I mean, look at Lady Liberty, or Mother England---(did you notice none of the countries are male? The irony)
Anyways.
Axis Powers Hetalia is a comic/manga(Japanese comics)/anime(Japanese animation) about nations personified. The central storyline revolves around World War II, with the main character being the silly and rather air-headed personification of Northern Italy. It's all light-hearted humor, despite the few battle scenes here and there; none of the nations' personalities or hetare-ness (foolishness, stupidity, silliness, etc, in Japanese; hence, Hetare and Italia, silly Italy, Hetalia) are intentionally harmful or seriously intended against the actual nations.
Tch, I rambled. Basically, Hetalia is kind of crude in some parts(just general swearing and...slight lewdness...agh) and the art isn't too great at first...but there are amazingly portrayed relations between all the nations, exciting battle scenes, and characters you can't help but like for their unique personalities.
Plus, the art improves to the point of breathtaking awesomeness. I'm mainly an anime-style artist, so I could say I was duly awe-struck and overjoyed, oho.
Ah, anime. I'm sure all of us have watched at least one form of it in our lifetimes (Spirited Away, Pokemon, Digimon, Yugi-Oh, Kiki's Delivery Service, Sailor Moon, Naruto, Bleach...). I'm not an otaku - overly obssessed with anime/manga - but I've got to admit I love it.
US Americans. We love Japanese products, don't we?
Well, I guess that's enough for one post. Ama out.
The Last Few Words of This Post Look Like A Lemony Snicket Imitation
-Ama
P.S. (I guess those words weren't the last after all) I am verbally challenged. I can't think of anything sensible to say, even in my journals.
Sheesh.
Lonely Like a Crowd Full of People
It feels like I'm completely empty. I have things I could do, but I don't feel any motivation or inspiration to accomplish them.
Bloody hell.
It seems as if life is so much easier when you're a safe kid, living under your parent's guidance and assured of all the things you know about in life. Well, sure, not all people are like that; but it sure was like that for me. I used to be the leader, the British Empire, the Persian Rule, the person who could talk about anything and everything to anyone, everyone. I could explore without anyone seeing me in the bushes, climb high up on a nail salon's roof where you're not supposed to go (the ladder was locked with metal paneling in front; too bad they didn't think anyone could climb up using the rungs on the back), or sneak out to buy McDonalds with my childhood playmate without anyone noticing.
It really sucks being old, a part of society, and responsible, you know? At least when you are small and naive, no one can rightfully or truly scorn you for your faults. They can just blame the older kids or your guardians for making a bad impression (which is sad, but true). And darn, when you start making hundreds of journals and online blogs to rant, you know just how deep in dissappointed you are with growing up.
Shucks (who says that anymore?), my imagination was better too.
So here I am: old, more artfully talented, less imaginatively capable, and unbelievably bored. In more specific terms: a brat who can't appreciate life for its wonders, no matter how much it wants to again.
I'm probably just bored and should get out more. It's summer, the highscholers are out, and the elementary/intermediate students are bound for break soon. I can't help but wish there was more, but I know I should get my lazy arse off the danged computer and streak around the neighborhood or something crazy like that.
Doubtless I won't do it. But hey, something to chuckle about, huh?
Wish I could find a solitary activity to do, wish I could find something interesting, wish I could find something I know how to do interesting, and wish, wish, wish.
Reminds me of Into the Woods. I'll make something happen, somehow. I hope I don't really have to wish for something to happen, because...really.
People should hope and work at it, instead of wishing their dreams to come true.
End of Pointless Ranting and Thoughtful Speculating
-Ama
Bloody hell.
It seems as if life is so much easier when you're a safe kid, living under your parent's guidance and assured of all the things you know about in life. Well, sure, not all people are like that; but it sure was like that for me. I used to be the leader, the British Empire, the Persian Rule, the person who could talk about anything and everything to anyone, everyone. I could explore without anyone seeing me in the bushes, climb high up on a nail salon's roof where you're not supposed to go (the ladder was locked with metal paneling in front; too bad they didn't think anyone could climb up using the rungs on the back), or sneak out to buy McDonalds with my childhood playmate without anyone noticing.
It really sucks being old, a part of society, and responsible, you know? At least when you are small and naive, no one can rightfully or truly scorn you for your faults. They can just blame the older kids or your guardians for making a bad impression (which is sad, but true). And darn, when you start making hundreds of journals and online blogs to rant, you know just how deep in dissappointed you are with growing up.
Shucks (who says that anymore?), my imagination was better too.
So here I am: old, more artfully talented, less imaginatively capable, and unbelievably bored. In more specific terms: a brat who can't appreciate life for its wonders, no matter how much it wants to again.
I'm probably just bored and should get out more. It's summer, the highscholers are out, and the elementary/intermediate students are bound for break soon. I can't help but wish there was more, but I know I should get my lazy arse off the danged computer and streak around the neighborhood or something crazy like that.
Doubtless I won't do it. But hey, something to chuckle about, huh?
Wish I could find a solitary activity to do, wish I could find something interesting, wish I could find something I know how to do interesting, and wish, wish, wish.
Reminds me of Into the Woods. I'll make something happen, somehow. I hope I don't really have to wish for something to happen, because...really.
People should hope and work at it, instead of wishing their dreams to come true.
End of Pointless Ranting and Thoughtful Speculating
-Ama
Thursday, June 3, 2010
It's another day.
| And another time. I can't help but stress, then relax, and then settle in between chaos and calm. There's a rat, burning books, and technical trials tomorrow. Fun. End of the Really Short First Post -Ama |
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